As some of you may know, I was asked to leave Lakeview Church of Christ in Chicago a few years ago. Though I often say I was kicked out, I guess that's not technically true: I was told that I could not serve in any public capacity and could not consider myself a member of Lakeview. I was still allowed to attend services, but any public contribution to the life of the church would be unwelcome.
This was unacceptable, so I started the process that eventually led me out of Churches of Christ and into The Episcopal Church (long story). Most of the time, I have no regrets: I found that I was unwelcome in the denomination of my birth, so I left and made a home elsewhere.
Lately, though, I've been experiencing doubts about the choices I made a few years ago. Was leaving the right thing to do? Should I have stayed and worked for change from within? Did I actually leave, or did I just step away for a while? Was TEC the right place to land? Have I given up too much of my heritage by stepping into a Catholic tradition? I dunno. Some of this may be navel gazing at its worst, and there is no obvious (or correct) answer to any of my questions.
A few months ago, I started to feel a longing for a more evangelical (for lack of a better word) expression of the faith. It started, I think when I was staring down the barrel of TEC's lengthy ordination process. As I considered whether I had a call to ordained ministry in The Episcopal Church, I found myself looking back to my roots. I have preached, I have taught classes, I have presided at the Lord's Table, and I have baptized. Do I really, then, belong in a church which limits my activities because I am not ordained? Do I need a $100,000 education to be able to serve in the way that I feel called?
This fed into broader concerns that I have about TEC. It is a wonderful place, and my current church took me in when I badly needed it. But I am not always sure that it is for me. Yes, I love the history, liturgy, music, deep theology, and welcoming approach to the LGBT community. And I don't know how I prayed before I discovered the Book of Common Prayer. But TEC is, in its way, rigid. Particularly in a church like mine (with a strong Anglo-Catholic bent), liturgy is the sacred cow. It is beautiful every week, but it is the same every week (with modifications for the season of the liturgical year).
So I took a step back, and began to consider where I belong. Again. Sigh. Am I still an evangelical? Am I still Church of Christ?
5 comments:
I've typed a few things, but in the end have decided just to call you.
Do call, but don't worry.
A friend linked to your post from a few years back on why you stayed in the coc, and then I read this post. As a young person working in churches of Christ, I would encourage you to stay. Because, simply, we need you.
Stay in TEC or go back to CoC as you are called. But before you make your decision, try worshiping in other TEC churches. We are all a little rigid (it's true) but some of us can find the great flexibility in the BCP and have a sense of humor about our issues. It's not necessarily a reason to stay, but it's something to experience before you decide.
Hi Scott,
Even though I'm pursuing ordination in the Anglican Church of Canada, I resonate with the questions you ask. Why is presiding at Communion limited to ordained people if all Christians are members of the royal priesthood? Why are Anglicans so afraid of the present-day ministry of the Spirit?
It still surprises me: I'm not a "good" evangelical, nor a "good" Pentecostal, but I find, lately, that I am returning to central aspects of Pentecostal spirituality in order to find some balance.
You can take the boy out of Pentecostal churches, but you can't take the Pentecostal out of the boy?
In peace,
Rob
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